You have the ability to be positive or negative it’s all up to you. A diminished self-confidence is learned.
Learning to be self-critical or develop a negative self-view is taught. Most critical self-talk is learned through negative experiences or social interactions. You learn how to criticize yourself when you hear others do it and internalize it creating a poor self-image.
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The major components of confidence are our core beliefs. Core beliefs are beliefs that we construct in our minds over time. We believe something to be true based on our personal experiences, relationships, and our environment. Core beliefs program how you see the world and, once established, they are resistant to change.
Core beliefs are the primary beliefs you use to decide how you feel about yourself. They are a value system dictating the choices you make regarding relationships and experiences throughout life. Core beliefs can help or hinder obtaining what you want most out of life because they decide if you feel “good enough” or “not enough” in any given situation.
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Guilt is one of the most powerful emotions we encounter. It causes great emotional distress and leads to feelings of anxiety and despair. We define guilt as (a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined).
The emotion of guilt has the ability to prevent motivation, meaning that guilt can cause us to isolate from friends, family, society, and prevent us from concentrating on work or other important issues in life.
Guilt creates confidence issues and can impair our ability feel good about ourselves. It produces negative “self-talk” which further increases “self-doubt” and confidence issues.
It is important to understand the difference between real guilt and imagined guilt. Real guilt is guilt associated with tangible evidence to show you caused emotional or physical distress to another person.
Evidence is apparent either by communication or visual presence of pain and suffering to another person. Imagined guilt is guilt associated with no evidence to show you caused suffering to another person.
The feelings are always real but imagined guilt is caused by irrational thoughts. The thoughts become “real” and create feelings of remorse for another persons’ non-existent pain.
It does not matter if the feelings of guilt are real or imagined because the feelings are always real which causes emotional distress (anxiety, despair, fear, etc.) and the fall out (lack of motivation, exhaustion, confidence issues).
It is important to decipher between “real and imagined” guilt because understanding where the guilt is coming from will help in overcoming it.
The first step in discovering which form of guilt you are experiencing is to step away from the thoughts for a moment. If you get caught up in the momentum of negative thoughts they become irrational and can hinder your ability to think clearly.
Walk away from the situation and clear your head (go for a walk, listen to happy music, read an interesting book, or count to 100). By taking a break from the negative emotion (guilt) you will be able to think more positive and create emotional balance which will enable you to process your feelings rationally.
After you process where the guilt might be coming from and you still have feelings of emotional distress communication is key. The most important aspect of dealing with “guilt” is open communication. Your imagination can be your worst enemy in situations dealing with guilt.
What is the one thing that keeps you from being courageous?
You want to call a crush, speak up in class or at work, or just want to join the group and be part of something. What stops you?
Ask most people what they fear most and rejection is at the top of the list. That little voice inside that tells you to stay silent. The fear of being rejected overrides the desire to act. How would your life be different if that fear was gone? Would you take more chances? Would you embrace more opportunities? Would you be surprised to know that fear of rejection can be diminished by the amount of confidence you have?
When we are self-critical we feel the pain of rejection more intensely. By building self-confidence and positive thinking we are able to limit the feelings associated with rejection. It is hard to feel rejected when you know how amazing you are.
Most people criticize themselves much more than they think they do. How many times a day do you think you are guilty of this? Now test yourself. When you wake up in the morning count each time you say something critical about yourself. Is the number different from what you thought?
Danielle Putnam is from Colorado received her B.A. from Texas Tech University and M.A. from Pepperdine University both degrees in Psychology. She has owned and operated a private practice for over 10 years and is the author of Pick Your Poison Confidence.
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